As a high school principal, I have a front row seat observing students in school and school activities. I am encouraged by those who are thriving and discouraged by those who fail to thrive. I hope that this blog series on "Thriving in High School" will help high school educators encourage attitudes and behaviors to help students thrive. Part one of this series focused on students who embraced a "work" mindset and were academically engaged in their learning.
For Part Two, I want to move outside the classroom. Thriving students look differently in co-curricular activities and in their social interactions.
Thriving Students Get Involved
Thriving students participate in student activities, like clubs, athletics, student leadership, theater, and music. Every high school student has a classroom experience, thriving students take advantage of the learning opportunities outside the classroom. Unfortunately, the value of co-curricular activities has waned in recent years as more and more students just "survive" school and return home to spend time on devices in gaming or social media. I call this the "I'd rather not" culture, and it negatively impacts a student's ability to thrive. By opting out of these opportunities, students are missing out on the deep learning that can occur outside the classroom. The opposite of the "I'd rather not" culture is the "Why not?" culture; this culture encourages students to participate, to say "yes" to opportunities as they arise, and to get involved. It is exciting to see students jump in with two feet and get involved in whatever student activities are offered at the school. One thing we track at my school is participation rates because we know student success is tied to student participation.
Small School, Big Experience
Student participation is an area in which students attending smaller schools have a big advantage over those attending large schools. This is counter-intuitive; in fact, we occasionally have students leave our "small" school to attend a larger one for more opportunities. Bigger schools provide more opportunities is an urban myth. Often big schools force students to be single sport athletes or single activity participants; these schools have "theater kids" and "basketball kids" and "band kids" and "AP students" but rarely do these student groups intersect. Smaller schools allow students to participate in multiple activities ... yes, a high percentage of student participation is required for co-curricular programs to even exist in a smaller school, but what a gift for students who want to thrive in high school. Let me give you a personal example ... my son Adam, is a senior at a small school (180 high school students), but he is the student council co-president, a soccer player, a drummer in the symphonic, jazz, and pep bands, and an actor in the fall play and spring musical, all while taking multiple honors classes. He is thriving and embracing his high school experience.
Some will push back on this and cite the many opportunities that big schools provide to attend high level athletic contests with huge student sections and have front row seats to amazing musical and theater productions. I agree that you can learn by being an audience member, but the amount of learning that happens as a spectator pales in comparison to the level of learning that occurs for those on the field and stage. This reminds me of the quote by Lou Holtz (college football hall of fame coach), "Don't be a spectator; don't let life pass you by." Thriving students are not merely a "fan" of their high school experiences, they get involved.
Thriving Students are Broadly Social
The power and impact of high school friends is real. I have observed good students hit rock bottom (as a student) because of their academically lackluster friend group, and I have seen mediocre students thrive academically when they surround themselves with students who are focused and thriving. Making wise decisions about friends is a vital factor in thriving vs. surviving high school ... and keeping relationships superficial in high school is actually a good thing. That sounds counter-intuitive, so let me explain.
The high school experience is filled with social learning, and thriving students are social butterflies. When I observe high school students socially, thriving students are the ones who move easily among different social groups, even among different grades. These students are able to sit at any table at lunch and are able to work with any group in the classroom; they are friends of all ... at least while at school. Unfortunately, some live by the axiom "birds of a feather stick together" rather than attempting to be a "social butterfly." While spending time with those who have similar interests, look, think, and act like you do is a comfortable and natural thing to do, it doesn't help you thrive and grow. "There is no growth in the comfort zone, and there is no comfort in the growth zone." This is true of friendships at school ... interacting with those who don't look, think, or act like you will help you grow and thrive.
By being open to new friendships with individuals from diverse backgrounds, students will learn from others about life and their perspective. Being broadly social is great for friendship, but it also helps students learn deeply. Those failing to thrive invest heavily in one person or one friend group and tie their identity to that person/group. This is unhealthy in high school and hinders the ability to thrive as a student.
I understand the importance of building deep human relationships rather than flitting superficially from one friend to another, and I also know that tending relationships, if done well, is a full time job. My point being, attempting to get to know someone at a deep level at school takes time ... time that would detract from thriving at school as a student. In my 30 years of working with high school and college students, I have seen too many students focus on one person, and fail to thrive as a student. Of course, at the high school level, this takes the form of a dating relationship.
Don't Date!
Whenever I talk to students about thriving in high school, I say "don't date." It usually brings eye rolls and smirks, but, even though I know many won't take this advice, I keep saying it ... because I see the aftermath. Every year, students disregard my advice, and every year I have more examples of why high school students shouldn't date. Occasionally, I will have a student survive a messy break-up and come to me in confidence and admit that I was right about not dating in high school (unfortunately, it is usually right before they jump into another relationship). In a softer moment, I advise students to not actively date at school, meaning that, while at school, they should stay focused on being a student rather than on being a boyfriend or girlfriend. This aligns with my first point (in part 1), thriving students see school as their job. Just like dating co-workers is frowned upon due to the distraction it brings and potential drama, dating at school is counter to being a focused, productive student.
Believe me, I've heard all the arguments why students should date while in high school, but none of them outweigh the potential pitfalls. I'll keep preaching to my small choir.
Social learning is an essential part of the high school experience. Connecting with a wide range of people allows high school students to flourish socially and to "learn from the stranger" while at school, but it also prepares them to thrive in a diverse world.
Educators can encourage students within their sphere of influence to thrive outside of the classroom while at school. Students need to get involved, say "yes" to student activities, and interact with a wide range of people.
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