Whole Child Education: Social

The cognitive and spiritual are really important aspects of education, and all schools teach for cognitive development and faith-based schools focus on the spiritual development of students, but whole-child education involves even more.  

Social Development

In my 30 years of working in education at the high school and college level, the social aspect (and the ineffectiveness of schools to develop this well) has had the most impact on student flourishing and student retention. Thinking solely about new students who enter a school at the high school level, when a social group or an individual friend welcomes and embraces them, they flourish; if this does not happen, the students struggle in almost all other areas of student development. 

I, of course, have a ton of examples of both the positive and negative social dynamics in school. I have seen the beaming faces of new students as they are invited to sit with a group at lunch, and, I know that this simple action will help them thrive. I have also had new students crying because nobody has reached out to them, and, likewise, I know that this is going to negatively impact their ability to thrive. If you are familiar with the book/film Wonder, the strongest and most consistently positive character is Summer, who has the courage to step out of her friend group to eat lunch with Auggie. View that scene HERE

Social dynamics does not only impact new students. Unfortunately, I have seen students withdraw from school because of social dynamics within a class that has been toxic for years: "mean girls" (and boys), ignoring/isolating, and bullying. Middle and high school can be either amazing times of social development or "the worst years of your life." Much of the negative social dynamics has to do with students learning what to do (and especially what not to do) through trial and error. Every students in middle and early high school are at different social maturity levels. Combine the variety of social maturity levels with wild hormones, intense peer pressure, and poor examples of healthy social interactions, and you have the recipe for disaster ... especially when you add the "dating" and social media fuel to the fire. Talk about a volatile combination that is sure to explode ... unless someone steps into that mess to help with social development. 

Sidenote on Dating: I am more and more convinced that "dating" is not a good idea in middle or high school. This is not because I am against these relationships but, rather, that I have seen so many of them implode and cause collateral damage socially, which, in turn, impacts student learning. On this topic, I share with students and parents that there are three entities in every dating relationship: the student, the person he/she is dating, and the friends around them ... and I guarantee that one of those entities is not mature enough to handle a dating relationship. Of course, nobody listens to me, and, each year, I have another set of examples about why you shouldn't date in high school.

I work with social development most specifically in high school with freshmen, and this area of personal development is all over the spectrum with this age group. The freshmen halls have both physically mature girls who are quite sophisticated socially and pre-pubescent boys who would never dream of talking to a girl. The saying that "freshmen girls are mean and freshmen boys are stupid" often rings true from the high school principal's perspective and what I deal with in discipline. Thankfully, freshmen mature into sophomores and boys and girls begin to balance out physically and socially. The social issues often (but not always) go away ... and it is always funny when sophomores shake their heads at the drama in the freshmen class and remember the same things happening last year in their class. Of course this is the vast majority of students, but unfortunately, some senior girls are still mean and some senior boys are still stupid.

I always feel like the school has failed when a student feels alone/isolated and changes schools, a dating relationship ends poorly and disrupts learning, or when a school still has mean/stupid seniors. How can schools help students grow in social development? How can a school teach students to be nice and to be a good friend?

This is one of the most difficult areas to address. As was highlighted in the video clip from Wonder, the last thing that a new student wants is for a teacher to force a student to "be nice" to the new student; it really ought to happen organically, and "nice" has to be a part of the school culture.

Building a Culture of Nice

"Play nice" has been a mantra repeated by parents and teachers since early childhood, but how do you build a culture of nice?  Like spiritual development there should be a formal and informal process that collectively changes the culture.

The formal aspect of this is teaching, modeling, and practicing these social skills on a regular basis. This begins with the rules found in the student handbook; when teachers spend extended time discussing the rules, explaining the why behind the rules, and giving examples (and letting students come up with examples) of how to act. The ongoing proactive discussions will help build a culture, and schools will begin to see students self-policing social interactions from a "that's not the way we act here" perspective. Unfortunately, we cannot assume that students have these skills when they enter school, so "nice" needs to be taught at each level and reinforced often. There are so many lessons to be taught; for example, elementary students need to be taught how to play nice at recess, middle schoolers need to be taught how to interact with each other on social media, and high schoolers need to be taught how to have crucial conversations when friends made poor choices; of course these are just a few examples.

Social development is more than just being nice or playing nice, it also involves lessons on healthy friendships and relationships; essentially, teaching students how to be a good friend. Students, unfortunately, do not see enough positive relationship examples (in life or in the media) for educators to assume that this doesn't need to be taught. Broken is an apt term for families, friends, and marital/dating relationships today. Students need to be flooded with examples of positive relationships, lessons on healthy relationship tending, and modeling to overcome all the negative examples.

One of the difficulties in teaching social development is when does it occur? These lessons don't always fit into a specific content area. However, a school built on the whole-child philosophy needs to carve out time to intentionally teach social development. As mentioned, it should begin with reviewing school rules at each level and enforcing/reinforcing those rules through the year. However, there needs to be time regularly set aside to teach these important life lessons. Some schools will implement these lessons in homeroom, crew time, advisory, or chapels/assemblies. 

Similar to spiritual development, the informal "instruction" is often more impactful. This happens when teachers and administrators "catch" students "being nice" and reinforce that behavior, and it happens with shoulder to shoulder short conversations as students are walking down the hall. It doesn't need to be posted or broadcasted, but it does need to be recognized and named at least to the specific student who is being nice. The opposite, of course, is also true; when students are not acting in appropriate ways socially, they need to be confronted, disciplined, and challenged to change their behaviors ... and tending a school culture sometimes means removing a student who is toxic socially.

By formally teaching and informally reinforcing "nice," students will develop socially and a culture can change.

Prepare for Future Flourishing

The importance of equipping students socially is not just to help them thrive in the present, but it is also to prepare them to flourish in the future.

An interesting expression highlights this point: "A's work for C's." Often educators place value and worth on a gpa and a student's ability to "do school" well; however, a student's social quotient (SQ), a measure of social maturity, is more important than their IQ in determining how successful they will be after their formal schooling ends. Thriving in family, community, and work depends on a person's attentiveness in personal relationships, being able to connect with a wide range of people professionally, listening and encouraging well, caring deeply for neighbors, and having the courage to step out of one's social comfort zone to risk getting to know someone new. These are all skills that should be taught in school, especially if future flourishing is a goal.

All educators can identify students who struggle in school but will flourish in life. Lean into these students and encourage them to lead; this will, not only put wind in their sails at school, but it will help them see their future in a positive light.

The importance of focusing on social development is essential for whole-child education and future flourishing. Unfortunately, schools are usually teaching these skills in a reactive way through discipline and correction. Even if the discipline process is framed from a restorative perspective, social development would be much richer if done proactively.

The next article in this series will highlight an area often combined with social development as social-emotional learning.  Next up is emotional development.